In Retrospect

I met someone's ex once, along with said ex's boyfriend at the time, who was a really nice guy. "Poor Mark (not his actual name, of course)," my friend said, in reference to his being tied to this girl, and then, "I wonder if people said that about me when she and I were together." I didn't say so, and probably didn't even know it yet, but I think it was the other way around. People felt sorry for her, which is saying a lot, because she's no dream.

A different someone had a birthday yesterday. He shows me up, because his lifestyle adheres too closely to my ideals, which it turns out I'm afraid to live by. So I bought him The Dharma Bums, only to begin re-reading myself to stay busy while he sleeps (and sleeps, and sleeps) off a poorly-timed flu. He said, "It should be illegal to be sick on your birthday...but then I guess I'd be in jail."

I planned to be a devout little bikkhu, Ray Smith style, and a dried-veggie-and-bulgar-eating minimalist, a la Japhy Ryder. That was more than two years ago. For a while I meditated devoutly, and it was an exhilarating, strange, scary/happy time. My best friend asked if I was having a manic episode. I'm sure I didn't quit on purpose, but I forget what happened exactly. I think it was about the same time I stopped doing yoga, and around the point when I met Evan. Go figure. I keep meaning to get back to it, but months go by and the inertia just gets thicker. I don't like it at all, but I don't change it either. I need a kick in the ass from my personal Bodhisattva. Ty, where are you?

Past Bedtime

It is depressing to realize that a song you've always liked, and simultaneously been grateful that you can't entirely relate to, suddenly describes your situation to a tee.

I'm tired. I want to go sleep, but for some reason, I'm still sitting up. I think it's a combination of inertia and the groundless hope that something nice will happen, thus ending my day on a good note. Things aren't really bad, exactly. I'm more bored than anything else. Plus the only people I have face-to-face contact with are usually check-out girls or mechanics or whatever other stranger is peripherally involved in my errands. Really, today was comparatively exciting. I found an Asian market down 15-501, finished a "save the date" card for Tim and Kaylan, and got a cute (or so the receptionist told me) haircut at Moshi Moshi. Also, my NC driver's license came today and it's the first not horrible photo since I got my learner's permit (the photo for which was actually quite good). These things will have to suffice for pleasant thoughts to fall asleep to.

Bring Me Soymilk

On my flight from JFK to Atlanta I was completely surrounded by children. The kid behind me was practicing her tap routine on the back of my seat while her baby brother pounded on the window like some sort of tiny Dustin Hoffman. The third sibling was literally up to her elbows in bangles so that her every move was distinctly audible. Another little girl peeked between the seats in front of me and then slowly and deliberately licked the window from bottom to top. From across the aisle, the stench of Cool Ranch Doritos engulfed me and I wished for death.

I finally got back to Birmingham at 9:15 this morning after missing my connecting flight in Atlanta and then sleeping through the flight I was rebooked on at 7:30 this morning. I can't say the travel portion of my vacation was particularly awesome, but it's over now. I can quietly avoid my responsibilities from the comfort of my living room. At least until tomorrow, when I'll probably have to deal with various inconveniences, including the fact that my car was hit while I was out of town.

Until then, I refuse to go anywhere, even the grocery store, though I'm in serious need of soymilk (I could probably also use some food). Publix is just too much at the moment. Instead, I'm going to take an ill-advised nap and then stay up too late watching movies.

Procrastination

Per usual I have gotten a lot of useless things done over the last couple of days when there were plenty of important tasks I should have been about. Once I finished modding my moleskine, I slapped PVA and paper onto anything that would stand still. I ended up with a small softcover notebook for the trip, so my important one doesn't get ruined, and I put a new cover on a completely hideous and useless large notebook, just because it was sitting there. The moleskine has new endpapers, ribbon/bookmark, a new pocket, and (!!!) elastic bands on the spine to hold a pen.



I'm relatively certain that I have everything I need for tomorrow, though I'll have to leave some errands for a trustworthy friend, and I'll be making phone calls during layovers. With all the time changes and everything, I leave on the morning of the 1st, and don't arrive in Colombo until 2am on the 3rd. I haven't gotten a full night's sleep, or anywhere close to it, in longer than I can remember, though, so I'm looking forward to tons of that. When I arrive, I'll medicate myself into the appropriate level of wake fullness and hopefully avoid most of the jet lag. Just talking about this is making me too tired to go on. Nap time.